I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
