i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
