went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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