I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
