Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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