i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
