i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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