happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
