Cold hands, warm shart.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
