also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
