Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
