The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
