No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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