I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
