we're blogging at a bar
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
