So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
