Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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