I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she told me i tasted like america
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Holy sore nipples Batman
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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