so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
