That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
