I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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