New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
