God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
