3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize