my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
