Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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