Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
