I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
