There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
