Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
