I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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