We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
