You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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