WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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