i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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