trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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