I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
