I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
