If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
