how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
