I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
