it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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