Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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