My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
