He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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