He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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