let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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