Yo dont text me then not text me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
