Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
