I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
