Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
