everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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