He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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