No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they need to just BURY HIM!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
