Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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