Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We left an ass print on the piano.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
