Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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