Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
