So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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