I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
