i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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