they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
