Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
