Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's the barista slut.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
