All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
