Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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