Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What drink are we having for lunch?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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