Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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